Blue Child
by Deranged Exorcist
Summary: Saito Aoko, a troubled girl, wanders from shelter to shelter in an attempt to find where she belongs. Everything changes when she bumps into the mysterious demon child Okumura Rin. Too bad she has a bad past with Satan. WARNING This story contains sensitive topics such as self harm, suicide, suggestive topics, depression, and more. Read at your risk.
1. Fateful Encounter

**WARNING  
This story contains sensitive topics such as self harm, suicide, suggestive topics, depression, and more.  
Read at your risk.**

 **A/N  
This story does not support self harm or suicide. This story supports love, help, hope, and understanding. If you think this story will trigger you, please turn back now.  
Anyway, this is the first story I think I'm going to be completely devoted to and complete. Any feedback or criticism is welcomed. Thanks for reading! x)**

 **IMPORTANT FOR UNDERSTANDING THE STORY:  
It is a story that takes place in Japan so if a term or honorific is used, I'll put an asterisk (*) next to it and explain it and the bottom. Oh and I get all of this from the internet so please correct me if I'm using wrong information. x)**

 _"All alone, on a journey, I lost my way; as I stood still, my heart alone wandered. But now I can walk again, as far as I need to; yes, ever since I met you on this road."  
~Tabi no Tochuu by Natsumi Kiyoura  
_  
A girl with long black hair and strange violet eyes looked at the building in front of her. It was rundown with lights flickering on and off on the sign. It was dark, but she managed to read it: Yokoru's Homeless Shelter.

"I guess this is home for tonight." She sighed. She would look for a better looking shelter, but it was always close to midnight and she was told this was the only shelter in town On the path she was going, the next town over was about 14 hours away on foot, she sure as hell wasn't going to stay up that long to get a better bed.

She walked inside taking in the sight of the crappy building until she saw a old woman smoking pot at a desk. The woman who noticed her approaching sighed and took the rolled newspaper out of her mouth. "Name and age." She asked(?) without looking up at me again. "Saito Aoko*, 15" I mumbled glaring at the floor as she wrote down my name. "Breakfast at 5, lunch at 11, and dinner at 18:30 (6:30pm). Since you're a minor, you can stay for a week. Then get the hell out. You can come back two weeks after for another stay," the woman then went back to smoking and pointed to a room, I'm assuming to be the housing for women. I snuck in, careful not to wake anyone up, and tiptoed to the bathroom at the other side of the room. After locking the door, I dropped my bag and took out a pair of ripped yoga pants and a plain white tee and put them on. While relieving myself, I noticed the red splotches on the crappy sandpaper textured toilet paper. "Dammit."I mumbled to myself using the last of my protection. Guess I'll make a trip to the dollar store tomorrow morning. I left the bathroom and narrowed my eyes in the dark, looking for an empty bed, but to no avail. I sigh once more laying my bag down on the ground, using it as a pillow. I fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, after having free breakfast of course, I was walking down the street with a killer migraine. Looking down at the cash in my hand, only 513 yen ($5 dollars), I knew I wouldn't have enough to get me a Midol. I need to find a way to get some more money before I leave next week. Finding a dollar store, I got what I needed that was the cheapest (unfortunately, it was cardboard), and walked out. Strangely enough, while touring through the city, I felt a pair of eyes on me.

After roaming through the city for a few hours and not finding any type of job, and ended up missing lunch, I started to head back to the shelter. On the way, I felt uneasy. Something just didn't feel right. I sped up my pace hearing footsteps behind me. They sped up with me. Terrified, I started turning random corners but the footsteps followed. I was definitely being pursued. After a while of turning into random alleys, I reached a dead end with the footsteps behind me. I froze, shut up eyes, and braced myself until-

"W-Wait," two small voices panted. I felt a tug at the hem if my tee and turned around in shock. Two small children were there bent over breathless from the chase, holding the end of my shirt. One was a boy with dark brown hair that reached his shoulders and hazel eyes. He had fair skin like mine. He wore a dirty gray shirt and red shorts. On the other hand, the girl had strikingly beautiful golden locks and teal colored eyes. She was sickly pale and a lot skinner than the boy. She wore a blue knee length dress stained dark with dirt. Simultaneously, they both looked up at me after catching their breath. "Excuse me but... do you have any spare food?"

My heart ached. After all, when I looked in their eyes,

I saw myself.

 ***Last Name's are said before first names.**

 **No Rin yet ;) I promise he'll show up eventually.**


	2. Family

**A/N  
This story is uploaded onto Quotev, Wattpad, and under the name Deranged Exorcist. If it is under any other name, please inform me.**

" _Will I end up losing you one day? I want to protect you and your smile."  
~D-Technolife by Uverworld_

Holding both kids' hands with each of my own, we walked down to the shelter. Walking back inside, I made my way to the desk. "Excuse me... " The woman looked up. "Leaving?" She looked like she was almost smiling. "No, um... these two kids..." I trailed off. She looked further down and scrunched her face in disgust. "No." She simply replied, going back to twiddling a pen in her hand.

"But-"

"We have reached maximum capacity. Now leave or go inside without the kids." She added. I looked down at the kids, their faces full of disappointment. Then the girl approached the woman slowly. She didn't notice until the girl touched her hand.

"Please, we just need some-"

"Don't touch me you filthy scum!" The woman screeched, shoving Hikari away from her. Her nail nicked the side of the girl's cheek, resulting in a small cut.

I gasped at the woman's sudden act of violence. Livid, but knowing there was nothing I could do about it, I pulled Hikari up and intertwined our fingers. "Let's go," I said pulling the kids' hands, leading them outside. A touch of a smile engraved itself on both of their faces at the gesture. I won't abandon them.

"But what about... "

"Don't worry." I smiled interrupting the girl. "I have a plan."

I led them to the back where boxes were stacked under the window. We locked eyes in understanding. They sprinted towards the boxes and started climbing on them. I grinned and jogging to catch up. Since they were so small, I picked up both, one at a time to get them through the window, then climbed in myself. Both looked up grinning toothy smiles at me. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Alright then." I started placing my bag at the edge of a bed. "Stay in here till I get back, do not venture off." I stated seriously.

They nodded and looked down at their shoes.

Smiling, I ruffled their hair and made my way to the dining room to get dinner. Once I got a plate, I went back inside to see the two of them sitting on the bed. I presented the plate to them and they gasped gleefully.

"Aren't you going to have any..."

"Aoko. Saito Aoko." I answered the boy. "I'm not hungry," I said forcing a reassuring smile.

"Thank you Aoko-sama*" the boy smiled before stuffing his face with food. The girl followed after. I couldn't help but smile again, something that I've grown accustomed to by just looking at them. Especially when I noticed whenever the girl wasn't looking, the boy would push some of his portion to her side of the plate.

After eating, we all layed down in a comfortable silence. "You know," I said breaking it. "You two never told me your names yet."

The boy spoke up first. "My name is Hikaru," he grinned. "I'm seven."

"H-Hikari," she mumbled shyly. "Five."

"What, no last name?" I questioned. They shook their head. So my assumption was right, they had no one to take care of them.

"Well I guess that's settled then. Your surnames are now Saito. You kiddos are stuck with me now," I winked.

Both lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Can I... can I call you Okasan**," Hikaru mumbled with a slight blush flushing his cheeks.

"Well how can I say no to that cute face?" I teased making Hikari giggle. Hikaru looked away embarrassed.

We talked through the night until both passed out from fatigue. They were on either side of me, curled into my side. Wrapping an arm around both of them, I smiled at the ceiling and fell into a dream. A dream with Hikari and Hikaru.

I finally felt like I had a family.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

I held Hikaru's hand as we walked through the bustling town. Hikari was placed on my shoulders since she got tired of walking. I scanned the windows of shops until I saw the sign I was looking for: Help Wanted.

With high spirits, I entered the restaurant. It was an American styled restaurant wish the smell of grease in the air. I saw an employee and approached them. "Hello, my name is Saito Aoko." I bowed. "I saw your sign, is there anything I can do to work?" The employee took a few steps back and motioned for me to follow. After letting down Hikari and instructing them to sit at a take and wait, I followed. The employee, which I learned name was Lizzy by her nametag, lead me to the back of the restaurant to where the sinks are and made a scrubbing motion with her hand. I nodded and bowed once more. "Thank you Lizzy-san***." Lizzy smiled and left the room leaving me to do my job for the day. I smiled pitifully to myself. She was obviously mute.

After about 8 hours, I decided to was time to leave since dinnertime was approaching. I let the manager know and he gave me an envelope with cash in it as payment. I saw Hikaru and Hikari coloring with some crayons with Lizzy smiling over them. She truly was a sweet woman. I walked towards the kids, the sound of my footsteps alerting them of my presence. They grinned up at me. "Thank you Lizzy-san for everything. Especially for looking after them," I said motioning towards Hikaru and Hikari. When she realized we were about to leave, she stopped us with her hand and jogged to the kitchen and came back with two bags that she gave both Hikari and Hikaru. They both looked inside to see a box of nuggets, fries, and a cookie. I smiled to myself. I guess I get to eat today. They looked up and smiled gleefully at Lizzy.

"Thank you so much Lizzy-sama!" They both gave her a hug and said their goodbyes.

Once we were outside, I ripped open the envelope and smiled sadly at it's contents. It was 770 yen (approximately $7.50 dollars). Normally, it would be enough but now... I gazed at the two kids walking ahead of me, bickering about which sauces are better with nuggets. It's been two days at the shelter already, I needed to get more money for our trip to the next town. After all, I have a family to take care of.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

The next day, I woke up to Hikaru shaking me. "What's wrong Hikaru?" I asked worriedly. He looked on the brink of tears. "Okasan... Imoto**** is..." I gazed to me other side. Hikari was panting slightly with beads of sweat rolling down her forehead. "Shit." I mumbled quietly enough so Hikaru couldn't hear me. I placed the back of my hand against her forehead feeling the heat it was emitting. She temperature was at least 38°C (100.4°F). "No no no no no." I repeated panicked. Hikaru gave me a solemn look before looking down at Hikari. I looked down, ripping a part of my tee where my bellybutton would show, and rushed to the bathroom to wet it. When I came back in the room, Hikari had her eyes open. "Oniisan*****, Okasan..." she whispered while trying to get up. Suddenly she went into a fit of coughs. "Hikari!" we both exclaimed running to her aid. I gently made her lay back down while Hikaru took the wet cloth from me, placing it on her forehead. She instantly went back to sleep. Frowning at her condition, I turned to Hikaru. "Hikaru, with the money that I got yesterday, I'm going to try to find some medicine. Stay here and watch your sister." He nodded towards me as I ran out.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

I looked in at least 10 stores and it was all the same. Medicine prices increased, the cheapest bottle being 1540 yen ($15 dollars). Knowing there was nothing else I could do, I jogged back to the shelter, but once it was visible, something or someone gripped my arm tugging me back. I was knocked off balance and ended up falling on my ass. I looked up and saw an old geezer looking down on me with a predatory smile. He had grayish white hair, dark brown eyes, and wore baggy clothes. I slowly got up and flinched back when he trailed his fingers along my exposed stomach from when I ripped my tee. As he approached me I backed up only to run into someone who held me in place by taking my hands and putting them behind my back. I couldn't see his features.

"What is a young thang like you walkin' around at night for?" He whispered in my ear pushing his body into mine, as did the guy behind me.

"None of your damn business." I snarled back.

He chuckled and leaned back a bit. "So what do ya say?" he asked pushing on me again. "Wanna show me and my pal a good time?"

I spat in his face.

It landed on his cheek but his reaction was much different from what I expected. He took my saliva off face with his finger and licked it. I cringed.

"Don't worry babe," he purred. "I'll pay you good." The one behind me suddenly put his hand in my shirt, putting a total of 5,000 yen (almost $50 dollars) in my bra and took his hand out. Well, not before getting in a quick grope. I felt the man's eagerness pressing harder and harder against my leg.

Hikari...

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

After making sure Hikari took her medicine and both were sleeping soundly, I went to the bathroom and locked myself in there for a couple hours. After a while, I stood up and looked into the mirror, but avoided looking at my eyes. I didn't want to see what was staring back at me. I looked to my stomach which was becoming thinner than it was before. I haven't eaten all day since I was out looking for medicine. Not to mention the meals I've skipped giving it to the kids. Then I looked to my exposed stomach. I shivered in disgust remembering how they touched me. And how I let them. Lastly, I looked to my arm that had blood streaming down it and dripped into the sink.

I am truly pathetic.

 ***Honorific showing deep respect or admiration.  
**Title for Mom.  
***Honorific for respect. Less than -sama.  
****Title for younger sister.  
*****Title for older brother. **


	3. Bright Light

**A/N  
I swear the similarities between the lyrics below (which is the second opening for blue exorcist) and the names of Hikari and Hikaru are was not intentional. xD I swear I got curious and looked up the lyrics, having already written this chapter, and laughed my ass off. **

_"Dark cloud in my heart is clearing up, and light is shining onto my path."  
~In My World by ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D_

The next day, Hikari's fever was almost gone. Aoko smiled down at the child, running her fingers through her soft hair. Figuring that it was about time to go, she jumped in the shower for a couple minutes and got dressed into her white tee (which she stitched back up again) and her yoga pants. She woke up Hikaru so he could watch his sister, gave her some medicine again, and made her way back to the restaurant that she was working at for now.

When she walked in, she informed the manager that she was helping out again, but this time she was waitressing. At the end of the day, she received her pay of 770 yen ($7.50) and 1540 yen ($15) in tips. All together, she now had 4621 yen ($45). She smiled to herself. Maybe with the extra money, she can buy new clothes and a toy for Hikaru and Hikari. As she was ready to head out, she heard a conversation from a nearby table.

"Dammit! I got kicked out of that damn shelter again."

"Baka*. They saw your guns didn't they?"

"Well it's not like I showed it to them! Damn Yokoru's Shelter are doing inspections again..."

Aoko's heart dropped.

She sprinted as fast as she could to the shelter. Her lungs were on fire. Her muscles in her legs burned in agony. Feeling desperate, she did something that she hasn't done in a long time.

"Lord please... If you truly do exist, if you truly are a merciful God,

Please save my children."

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

When she arrived, she ran inside the room terrified with what she saw. Her two kids were on the bed. Hikaru was in front of Hikari, glaring daggers at the receptionist. Hikari looked like she was in worse condition. Her skin was turning a sickly yellow color and her entire face was flushed. Sweat soaked her clothes and she was panting heavily.

"Saito. Why did you bring this trash into my shelter?" The receptionist asked approaching the kids.

"Don't touch them." I warned.

She smirked looking at Hikaru. "Move."

Hikaru smiled mischievously. "Go to hell you old bitch."

She smirk dropped instantly and she growled at him. "You son of bitch!" she yelled slapping him, sending him flying across the room.

"Stop!" I screamed lunging at her. She grabbed a fistful of Hikari's hair, making her yelp in pain, and with the other hand, the receptionist clawed at me. Her sharp nails pierced my arm while I had my hand wrapped around her throat. I squeezed harder until she started to make gagging noises and let go of Hikari's hair to try to pry my hands off her neck. "I will make sure you never touch my children again," I growled throwing her to the wall. She slammed into it head first and coughed up a bit of blood. She looked up slightly and glared at me. I quickly picked up both Hikaru and Hikari off the floor and ran out while I could. The rain was pouring down hard and the air was cold. I ran towards the direction of the subway hoping the weather wouldn't make Hikari's condition even worse. After twenty minutes or so, I reached the subway station and payed for our tickets, snacks, and water, which left me with no money. The subway was expensive for a homeless person like me, which is why I walked everywhere. However, I need to get away quickly... and I can't risk Hikari getting worse because of the rain and cold... Aoko stroked the hairs of the two kids passed out in her lap. She frowned looking at the ugly bruise showing on Hikaru face. If she ever saw that witch again-

Her thoughts were interupted by the subway arriving. She picked up her bag and two kids, and out in a seat far from everyone else. Her eyes slowly closed.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

When Aoko opened her eyes again, she was an hour away from her destination. She looked down and gasped seeing blood trickling from Hikari. Her nose, her mouth, even her ears. What the hell is this? "Hikari!" I shouted trying to wake her up. She was unmoving, but luckily her pulse was still there. She was still alive. "Hikaru! Wake up!" I whisper shouted. He slowly regained consciousness and looked up at me. I was teary eyed looking at Hikari suffering. He noticed and held her hand in silence until we arrived at the town. We sprinted out with me holding Hikari bridal style screaming for help. A generous person willing to help was our only hope of saving her, we had no money to pay for hospital bills. But everyone looked away. We walked all over town asking for someone to help. No one came to our aid. As the day came to an end, me and Hikaru trudged through an empty street until I fell on my knees from fatigue.

"Dammit..." I whispered under my breath. "Why does no one care?! Why is the world so heartless? Why am I losing my family again?" I shouted not bothering to hold back my tears. I then felt Hikari shift to wipe a tear.

"Okasan, Oniisan. Bad things about to people so they know how if feels to be in that situation. So they can help others." Hikari whispered. "Like you helped me. Promise me, you'll always help those in need. That'll you'll never turn your back on someone who's suffering."

And with that, Hikari said no more.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

A woman in the shadows who witnessed Hikari's beautiful last words was generous enough to pay for her proper burial. Funny how people don't care until you're dead.

Hikaru and I stood in the rain looking at the tombstone with Hikari's name. I stood there emotionlessly, I couldn't cry anymore. All there was is an empty void. But...

"Okasan." Hikaru blurted out.

"Yes, Hikaru?"

"Imoto really loved you. And I do too."

And that's all it took for the dam to break again. I fell to my knees and hugged Hikaru who sobbed into my shoulder. I can't become emotionless again. Not again. I still have a family that I have to stay strong for.

I never really thought about it, but both of my children's name meant light.

And they were truly the bright light in my darkness.

I looked up to the sky seeing the clouds forming around us. It started raining.

"Well God," I mumbled. "You must really hate me because of my bloodline."

After about an hour has passed, we got up ready to leave. But I stopped. From the corner of my eye I saw someone staring at me with a look of understanding. He too was visiting a grave. He had navy blue hair and beautiful bright blue eyes. Those eyes held tears in them. But soon his pitiful look turned panicked as he ran towards me. I flinched as he grabbed my arm and saying 'shit' under his breath multiple times.

"Hey, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" I screamed at him trying to pull my arm out of his grasp. He ignored me and did not let go. Hikaru started yelling at him trying to pull him of me. That's when I realized he was on the phone.

"Yukio, get to the graveyard back home. It's an emergency." He said into the phone. "God dammit Yukio, I don't care if you're teaching a class!" He shouted back into the phone.

"There's a chick here with a temptaint!"

 *** Japanese for idiot.**


	4. Exorcist

_From shadows, we'll descend upon the world, take back what you stole. From shadows, we'll reclaim our destiny, set our future free. And we'll rise. And we'll rise."  
~From Shadows by Jeff and Casey Lee Williams_

Everything was dark.

 _"Look honey, look at our beautiful baby girl..."_

 _"Yes, she'll make a fine vessel one day."_

"Ughh." I groaned unattractively. I opened my eyes, the light burning me. "Oh good! You're finally awake." A voice said. Once my eyes finally adjusted, I looked to my side to see the same boy from the graveyard. He was a dark blue hoodie over a pink shirt and black jeans. He was sitting in a chair next to me with one hand in his lap and the other over mine, giving me a relieved smile.

"Um... " I was stared awkwardly at his hand hoping he'll catch the hint. Once he noticed, he retracted his hand and nervously scratched his head. "Um y-yeah. Sorry." He apologized with a slight pink blush adorning his face.

I chose to let what happened slide to prevent anymore awkwardness. And that's when it hit me...

"Where is Hika-"

The door opening interrupted my thoughts. At the door stood a tall teenager with dark brown hair and teal colored eyes. He wore a light brown sweater over a light blue shirt and brown pants. But the most noticeable features on him was his glasses and three moles on his face. He was smiling at a boy in his arms wearing a black shirt and cargo pants. The boy turned towards me and smiled.

"Okasan!" He exclaimed jumping from the teen's arms and running to my side. I barely recognized him. He was cleaned up and with new clothes

"Hikaru..." I whispered caressing his cheek. He leaned into my touch. Remembering that there was other people in the room, I shyly looked over at them. They smiled watching our exchange.

"So anyway... where am I and... who are you people?" I asked.

"Well you're currently at the True Cross hospital. I'm-"

"That's Okumura Yukio," Hikaru said interrupting the navy haired boy, who was now pouting, and pointing to the boy with the moles. "And that's Okumura Rin!" He finished pointing to the other. "They took care of me while you were sleeping."

"And you are?" Yukio asked smiling sweetly.

"Saito Aoko." I said. "It's a pleasure. And think you for taking care of Hikaru."

"It's nice to meet you Saito-sama!" Rin exclaimed putting out his hand for me to shake. I flushed. "There's no need to be so formal," I said quietly, shaking his hand anyway. "I'm probably around the same age as you, if not younger..."

It took a moment for Rin to register this new information. "W-What?" He stuttered standing up and embarrassed at his mistake. "But you have a..." Rin trailed off looking at Hikaru. My cheeks flushed. "No it's not like that! I haven't... done that," I partially lied. "I adopted him and... another girl from the streets." I mumbled the last part looking at my hands.

"Oh there's another?" Yukio smiled. "Where is she?" I looked further down, hiding beneath my bangs. Rin widened his eyes. He seemed to have put two and two together. "Um Yukio? Maybe you should take Hikaru to get some icecream." He said nervously laughing. Yukio opened his mouth to protest but shut it when he saw the look in Rin's eyes. He nodded, taking a sad Hikaru by the hand and out the door. Rin sighed. "Sorry about that." I merely nodded.

"You were asleep for a while, ya know."

"How long?" I asked silently thanking him for the change of subject.

"Five days."

"Wow," I laughed slightly. "I must've been really tired." Rin gave me a weird look. "Tired? No. You had a temptaint." I looked up at him in confusion. "Temptaint? What's that?" I asked. From the corner of my eye, I saw a weird black thing float around. "And... what's that?" Rin looked to where I was looking at, then spun back around to look at me. "A Cold Tar. A low class demon. Your temptaint lets you see them now. It's a wound by a demon that can cause a serious illness. The one that you have is one your arm. What attacked you?"

 _Her sharp nails pierced my arm while I had my hand wrapped around her throat._

"...I mean you're lucky I saw it that one day and Yukio treated you. If not, you would've had an awful burning fever..."

 _Her skin was turning a sickly yellow color and her entire face was flushed. Sweat soaked her clothes and she was panting heavily._

"... I've seen it before, it's a terrible sight. There was even this one person who bleeding from every orfice..."

 _She looked down and gasped seeing blood trickling from Hikari. Her nose, her mouth, even her ears. What the hell is this?_

"... you're lucky you didn't..."

 _And with that, Hikari said no more._

"...die."

I slapped a hand to my mouth and choked back a sob. Tears pooled in my eyes and fell uncontrollably.

"Wait why.. Shit, did I say something to make you upset?"

When did it happen? When did she get a temptaint? When did a demon attack her?

 _The woman screeched, shoving Hikari away from her. Her nail nicked the side of the girl's cheek, resulting in a small cut._

A small cut.

"That's all it took..." I whispered. "All it took to take Hikari away from me."

By a demon.

Rin, finally realizing what was happening, cursed under his breath. And awkwardly engulfed me in a hug in order to comfort me. I clutched his hoodie in my fists and cried my eyes out while he muttered soothing words. Not that I could really hear him. But, eventually I did calm down slightly. My face was sticky with dried up tears, red puffy eyes, and my nose was red and with snot pouring out of it. I looked like a mess.

Either by politeness, or just not wanting to get my snot on his hoodie, Rin took out a handkerchief and wiped the snot from underneath my nose. I muttered a quick thank you and closed my eyes, still not letting go. And so we sat in a comfortable silence.

Until he broke it.

"Hey, what... what happened?"

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

A couple minutes after Rin and I finished talking, the door suddenly barged open, causing up to break apart quickly. Yukio and Hikaru stood at the door, staring at us. Yukio avoided looking in our direction and had a light pink blush on his face. On the other hand, Hikaru...

"What... were you doing with my mom?" Hikaru asked glaring at Rin. Rin looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Listen kid, it was nothing like that..." He explained scratching his head. Hikaru suddenly stomped towards Rin and pushed him.

Hikaru pushed him off the chair.

Rin fell backwards hitting the floor head first. Hikaru climbed into my lap watching Rin muttered 'ouch' under his breath and clutching the back of his head.

"Only I get to snuggle with my mom like this!" Hikaru yelled sticking his tongue at Rin who growled in response. Yukio covered his mouth and turned around, trying not to burst out laughing.

"Why you little twerp..." Rin said standing up and stalking towards Hikaru then paused as if he was remembering something. "Hey Yukio..." He called out. Yukio stiffened at his serious tone. "We need to talk outside." Without another word, they left the room, leaving Hikaru to wonder what was going on. But I knew. Rin was informing him of the story of Hikari.

A while later, they both came back in the room with serious faces. Rin stood in the corner if the room, leaning against the wall, meanwhile Yukio took a seat next to me.

"Saito-san, how would you feel about becoming an exorcist?"


	5. Cram School

_"The world without you is just like a jigsaw puzzle. It's still eternally missing pieces and incomplete because its impossible for anyone to replace you."  
~ Undo by Cool Joke_

I looked at the door, releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding. I held the door knob in my hand, but I just didn't have the courage to open it. I thought about just turning back until...

"Hey Aoko-chan*! Are you going in or what?"

I squealed in fright and jumped, which resulted in me pushing down on the door knob and ungracefully tumbling into the room, landing face first unto the floor. I turned slightly to glare at the person who scared me and caused me to embarrass myself, which so happened to be Rin who gave me a weird smile and muttered 'oops' under his breath.

"What an idiot..." I heard a voice say amongst the kids in the classroom. "I told you his stupidity was contagious." Said another.

After getting up, with the help of Yukio, Rin went to his seat next to a short blonde girl while Yukio introduced me to the class. I roamed my eyes across the classroom, looking at the different faces. To the right, there was a group of three boys, obviously in a clique. There was a boy with two toned hair and many piercings giving me a hard glare. The boy next to him was a short boy with shaved hair and red glasses. He looked kind. Behind the rebellious wannabe, was a boy who had pink hair and a goofy grin making a 'call me' gesture with his hand. I rolled my eyes at him. In the front seat of the middle row was Rin who gave me a small smile when he noticed my gaze. Next to Rin was a busty blonde girl with short hair and bright green eyes. And the the left side of the room was a petite girl with purple hair and tiny eyebrows. She too gave me a cold glare. Great, I have two people that hate me already.

Two seats behind Rin, there was Hikaru playing with some toys that Yukio bought for him when they went to get ice cream. While I filled out boring paperwork with the director this morning, Yukio brought Hikaru along with him to the cram school since there was no one else to take care of him right now. I smiled at and took a seat next to him.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

After the cram school was over with, Yukio and Rin came over go ask if we needed help finding our dorm. I accepted the offer, and gave them my dorm number, which they at laughed at gave each other a weird glance. Both of their faces was also tinged with pink, but I chose to ignore it.

When we finally arrived, Hikaru and I looked at the building. It was huge, but old, and from the windows we could tell it was well furnished.

"So is this it?" I asked having trouble holding back my smile.

"Yep. Welcome to your new home Aoko-chan." Rin said smiling at me. I frowned. "I never said you could call me that," I said as Yukio opened the door. Rin ignored me as they walked in with Hikaru tailing behind Yukio. "Hey what are you guys doing?!" I exclaimed following after them. Didn't they think it was rude to just barge in? "Oh yeah, we forgot to mention... we live here too." Rin said with an awkward smile. "But isn't that against some rule or something for us to dorm together?" I protested.

"Do you have anything against my rules child?" The director asked coming out of ceiling. "Come on Pheles-senpai, that's the third part of the ceiling that I have to fix this month," Yukio sighed. The director ignored him. "Anyway, you won't be able to get a proper dorm unless you enroll in the academy's highschool, but there's no point in that. All the girls dorms are filled up. Besides," he said leaning into my ear so only I could hear. "I can't have someone with your lineage running around here freely without someone watching you. So be a good girl and don't complain unless you want to go back to living on the streets." He pulled back with a smirk. Then in a cloud of pink smoke, he vanished.

Rin, Yukio, and Hikaru looked at me with curious eyes, sensing my change of mood. "I... I need some fresh air." I said forcing a smile and left the dorm. I walked deep in thought until I came across a park with a fountain. Sitting on it, I looked down at my hands. Just how much did that director know about me? Hearing laughter, I looked to the side seeing the other exwires from the cram school. They all sat talking under a tree near the fountain. They didn't seem to notice me.

"So what do you guys think of the new chick?" Izumo suddenly asked. "She's an idiot, I mean, I can't believe she came through the door and fell on her face!" Suguro laughed. "It kinda reminded me of you Sheimi-chan." Sheimi frowned with a blush. "Man Rin-san must be getting it on with her, I'm jealous." Shima sighed. "W-what makes you think that?" Sheimi asked with a mortified expression. "Well they did know each other before she came in, didn't they? Plus she has boobs as big as yours Sheimi-chan, and she has a round ass! Who wouldn't tap that?" Shima drooled. "Plus... I followed her so I could find out what dorm she's in, and it turns out she's living with the Okumuras! Man, imagine all the fun they're having..." He added. "Oh shit!" Izumo laughed. "Be careful Sheimi-san, that slut might take Yukio from you." Sheimi blushed, but I didn't miss the sad expression on her face. "That can't be true though, doesn't she already have a kid...?" Konekomaru questioned. "Why does that matter? That bitch probably got knocked up by someone when she was young." Izumo replied. "We don't know anything about her or where she came from. For all we know, she could be nothing but a whore."

After hearing that, it started to rain. The exwires got up and left, running off to god knows where. I looked up to the cloudy sky. Ever since we buried Hikari, it seemed to rain a lot lately.

My thoughts were interrupted by a black umbrella. Holding it over me, was none other than Rin Okumura, who had their hand stretch out in front of me. Taking it, he helped me up and walked back to the dorm in silence. There was probably nothing for him to say after what he heard.

When we reached the dorm and I turned to go to my room to have Rin stop me by grabbing my hand. I looked back to see him looking down with his bangs covering his face, his eyes avoiding mine. "Listen Aoko-chan, I... I'm sorry I didn't say anything to them when they were saying that stuff about you. It's just... Never mind, it's still no excuse. Just please give them time to get used to you. I promise they'll warm up to you." I softly squeezed his hand and gave him what I hope was a reassuring smile, to which he returned. Then, left him in the hallway.

I didn't belong here.

I went to my room finding a uniform folded neatly on my bed. It was a white button-up shirt, a black blazer, a black tie with red and white stripes, and a black skirt. The director let me change some aspects of my uniform such as the color, but refused to change the skirt to pants... What a pervert. Besides the uniform, I had no other clothes to change into. Perhaps I will take Hikaru to go shopping with me tomorrow.

Leaving the room, I walked down the creaking halls to the women's bathroom. After quickly undressing, I jumped in the bath and soaked in the hot water. After a while, I grabbed a razor and began to shave since I had to wear the skirt tomorrow. While shaving, I winced from accidentally cutting my leg. I looked down at the warm blood oozing from the cut and falling into the water. It hurt, but yet... It was so satisfying and relieving, like a weight being lifted off of my chest. I looked at the razor and pulled the blade out, cutting my fingers in the process.

 _Idiot._

 _Slut._

 _Bitch._

 _Whore._

Maybe I am all of these things. After all, I have given my body up for money on several occasions and never been to school. When I was 7 years old, I was working as a stripper at a night club. At 9, the club sold me against my will to a old man who passed me around for money. I was a slave to him and his companions and no longer received any money. I was basically a victim of sex trafficking. At 10, I got pregnant and ran away from my captors. I wanted to be a better person for my child, even if it was produced from the countless amount of times I taken without consent. So I went from town to town to get as much distance between me and them. To keep my child safe from them, so she wouldn't suffer the same fate. Kaori was beautiful. She had my black hair and fair skin, but her eyes were from whoever her father was. Beautiful teal eyes. Just like Hikari. Perhaps that's why I cared so much. When I met Hikari and saw her eyes, I saw Kaori. But at the same time, she wasn't. She wasn't the stubborn little girl who didn't trust anyone but me. She wasn't the talkative girl who wanted to pick fights with everyone. She was unique. And in the end, I lost her.

With a shaking hand, I traced the crisscrossing scars along my wrist. And then I cut. I cut to feel numb, to cause severe pain to myself physically, that I can forget about the years of emotional pain in my life. My parents, the streets, my dead children. I cut to feel empty. To not suffer. To be happy.

Once the bath turned into a light shade of red, I got out and hid the razor and bloody towel that I used to dry myself in a locker. I bandaged myself, got dressed, left the bathroom, and made my way to my room. I had to hold on to walls to prevent myself from falling along the way. I was dizzy from all the blood loss and I felt like I was going to puke. Once I got to my room, I crashed into my bed and wrapped my arms around Hikaru who was sleeping already. No matter what, I wasn't going to lose him too.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

In the morning, I woke up and took the bulky bandages off. It would stand out underneath the blazer of my uniform and it stopped bleeding, so it would be fine as long as I don't scratch it or anything. Hikaru was still asleep, so I got myself undressed quickly ready to put on my uniform. That is, until I heard the door creak open.

"Hey Saito-san, I'm about to leave. So if you want I could take..." Yukio started saying until he noticed my lack of clothes. We both blushed crimson red and he slammed the door shut. I got dressed quickly and slowly opened the door to see Yukio leaning against the wall with his uniform on. His face was still crimson red and he was pinching the bridge of his nose, oblivious to my presence. I cleared my throat to get his attention. He shot up and looked towards me, "So um anyway... Would you like me to take Hikaru with me? I about to leave soon." He said so quickly that I could barely comprehend what he was saying, and of course avoiding my gaze the entire time. "I would appreciate it, but he still has to get dressed and eat." I replied casually. "R-Right. It's no problem, I'll take care of him." Yukio stammered. If Yukio continues to act that way, especially once we get to school, I'm going to be in deep shit...

I thanked Yukio and was about to head to the bathroom to continue getting ready, until he stopped me.

"By the way," he whispered seriously. "What are those scars on your wrist?"

 ***Honorific for babies, young children, teenage girls, lovers, close friends, or any youthful women**


	6. Road To Exwire

**A/N**

 **Sorry for the long wait! I keep forgetting too update on here. Anyway, I'll be posting another chapter after I make some edits. I hope you guys stay safe with all the recent storms! Hurricane Matthew recently left my area and it was awful.**

 _"Save me if I become my demons"_

 _-Demons by Starset_

 _"By the way," he whispered seriously. "What are those scars on your wrist?"_

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

"I... They're..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. He probably thought I was a freak. I looked down, hiding behind my hair and covering the scars with my hand. They were ugly marks. Tears pooled in my eyes, threatening to spill out.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get too personal." Yukio said frowning at my reaction. "I just wanted to know how you got the temptaint is all, so I could maybe figure out what kind if demon attacked you. I knew you had one on your arm, but I didn't know the demon attacked your wrist too..."

... Temptaint?

Realizing that's what he thought it was, I nearly cried tears of joy. "It was human-like and it attacked me with it's nails," I said under my breath, hoping it would give off the impression that I was sad and didn't want to talk about it. Yukio seemed to take the bait. "Alright... Thanks for answering. It sounds like the woman was possessed by something, but if that's all you know it'll won't be enough to tell exactly what it was..." Yukio said thinking out loud, staring out into space. He suddenly turned towards me and smiled. "I took enough of your time. If I don't hurry, I'll be late." He waved me off and entered my room to get Hikaru ready. I smiled sadly to myself.

If only he knew, the demon to inflict such wounds on me, is myself.

I got to the bathroom and continued to get myself ready. Brushed my teeth and hair, used the bathroom, et cetera. Once I was ready, I headed out the front door to see Rin waiting for me there. I blinked at him. It was a Friday morning and since I don't have to go to school till 18:00 (6pm), I decided to go shopping. Hikaru was going to go with me, but he decided he wanted to hang out with Yukio at the school instead, which Pheles decided to allow.

"Okumura-san, aren't you supposed to be at school?" I asked. Rin sighed. "You know we're friends right? You can just call me by my first name. And I decided to skip." He said getting off the wall. "Besides you need someone to pay for the clothes, right?" That's right, I had no money... "Alright," I said turning away from him and starting to walk off. "Just don't get the wrong idea... Rin-kun." I swear I could almost feel him grinning at the name as he trailed behind me. It was a good thing he was behind me too, I didn't want him to see my smile.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

"Aoko-chan! Look at this!" Rin said pointing to the store selling mangas. "Did you forget who we're shopping for?" I teased looking at some shirts. He blushed a bit muttering 'no' under his breath and started helping me pick some clothes out. "What about this?" He asked lifting up a dress for me to see. It was a deep purple colored dress. I scoffed at it. "Huh? What's wrong with it?" Rin asked. "I hate dresses and its way too formal." I said glaring at it. Rin put it back and looked at the other clothes with narrowed eyes and mumbled incoherent things. I could tell he was trying not to look offended at the rejection. I groaned at his childish behavior and snatched the dress and well as some random pants and shirts, then headed to the dressing room. Rin followed and waited in the chair outside of the room. He made me come out with each outfit and judged it. It was embarrassing.

I sighed and put on the last item I had to try on. I looked nervously in mirror. I was wearing a dress that Rin picked out. It hugged my upper body, emphasizing my curves, and flowed to my knees. The purple complimented my violet eyes. I released a breath and walked over to Rin, making sure to keep my left wrist against the dress. When he saw me, his eyes widened a bit and his cheeks flushed. I looked at him, embarrassed. "That bad, huh?" I asked staring at my frowning face in a mirror. "N-No! That's not it..." Rin stammered. "I was just surprised. It looks... Beautiful on you Aoko-chan." He finished, scratching his neck nervously. "Think so?" I said, my cheeks burning. "I never wore a dress like this before. It's kind of feels weird. Although, I like the color of it." "Yeah..." Rin said quietly agreeing with me, looking into my eyes. "It's a beautiful color." My cheeks turned several shades redder as I turned away from him. "I don't think I'm going to get it though, I really have nothing to wear it to anyway." I said fumbling with the hem of the dress. "Well actually... There's going to be a fall festival at the school in about 3 months." Rin said, standing up. "And why would I go?" I asked feeling nervous. He was walking up to me and the subject was making it more awkward. "Because," he started, stopping in front of me. I blushed at our close proximity. "Who knows? Someone might ask you to go with them." Rin said snaking his hand over my waist. "W-What are you..." I started to say when he suddenly gripped the tag of the dress and looked at it. "4063 yen ($40), huh? It's not too bad..." He said to himself, pulling away. I frowned a little. "I'll be at the register. When you're done changing, just bring the clothes to me and I'll pay for it." Rin smiled at me then walked the other way.

What... was that?

In the end, Rin bought me 4 shirts, 3 pairs of pants, a pair of new shoes, leggings for my uniform, and of course, the dress. We walked out the store and down the streets of the city. "Man, if girls are this expensive, I'm going to need a job." Rin groaned looking at his almost empty wallet. "We don't come cheap ya know," I joked winking at him. He chuckled at my response. We fell into a comfortable silence and walked side by side until we reached a park. "Hey Aoko-chan, want some ice cream?" Rin said pointing to a stand. He began pulling me to it, without waiting for a response. "Don't you think it's getting too cold for ice cream?" I asked. The leaves of plants were already tinged with brown and red and the air seemed to already bite at your skin. Rin stopped at the stand, then looked towards me. "Are you kidding me? There's never a wrong time for ice cream. Anyway, what flavor do you want?" I gave in. "Cookie dough."

After we got our ice cream, we sat on a bench, looking at the sun setting in the sky. "Hey Aoko-chan, wanna play 21 questions?" Rin suddenly asked. "I mean, we don't know much about each other so I thought... " I smiled and responded, "Sure, I'll play." "Alright, I'll go first then. Where do you come from?" Rin asked. "I'm from a small town called Nasagi. I lived in a big house it was... a temple." I said. "A temple? Were you affected by the Blue Night?" Rin asked. "Huh...? What's that?" I questioned. "Oh... Never mind then. Anyway, I'm from True Cross. Yukio and I grew up in a monastery." "So... Are you really the older twin?" I teased. Rin pouted. "Did you really waste a question asking that? That's just cruel..." After reassuring him that I was just kidding and believed him, I urged him to ask his next question.

"Well, what meister are you aiming for?" Rin asked. "... Huh?" I answered dumbly. "Whoops, I forgot you wouldn't know what that is. It's pretty much your fighting style." Rin said. After explaining the different types, I thought over my options. I never read the bible in my life, so Aria was definitely out. Being a medic for the team just seems too boring and swordplay seemed way too complicated. So that left being a Tamer or Dragoon. I didn't have great aim and I never used a gun in my life, but at the same time I didn't want to be around a demon that I couldn't kill and I didn't even know if I had the talent for it. "Dragoon," I said finally answering. "Sweet. Yukio is already a Dragoon and Bon is aiming for it too, but I'm trying to be a knight," Rin said taking off the sword on his back and holding it in his hands. "So my turn now. What's the story with the sword?" I asked. "Oh, it's a gift... from my late father." Rin replied. He smiled sadly at the sheathed sword. In an attempt to comfort him, I placed my hand over his, to which he interlocked and gave me a sweet smile.

"What do you regret the most?" He asked looking at me. I averted my eyes in thought. "It's hard to say. I regret so much." I responded honestly. "Well what's the most recent thing then?" He started to rub small circles with his thumb onto my hand. I couldn't hold back the blissful sigh that escaped my lips. Fortunately, Rin didn't seem to notice. "Sometimes... I regret coming to this town." I answered. The motion of fingers against my skin stopped and he got up. "Come on," he said coldly. "We should get going, you have your exwire exam tomorrow. " He started to walk quickly in the direction of the dorm, ignoring my pleas for him to wait.

Damn my short legs!

With a quick sprint, I managed to catch up with him and grab his arm, making him stop abruptly and glare down on me. "I didn't ... mean it like that!" I exclaimed in between breaths. "I'm grateful for everything you, Yukio, and this town gave me. A home, clothes, food, and more. I'm really happy that I met you guys, trust me. It's just... maybe if I went to another town... then maybe someone would've-"

"Aoko-chan, I get it." Rin interrupted.

I breathed out a sigh in relief. Yukio and Rin were truly the only friends that I've ever had. I would've hated myself if I lost him to an misunderstanding as trivial as this. "Listen... I'm sorry, my temper tends to get the best of me sometimes." Rin apologized, looking away in shamefully. "Don't worry about it." I said extending my hand to him. "Let's just forget about it and go home, okay?" Rin took my hand and smiled at the offer, and home we went.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

The next day...

We were all lined up side by side in front of Yukio and Shura. This assignment was supposed to be training for the exwires and my exwire authorization exam since I didn't do it with the rest of the class. In other words, I was behind in rank than everyone else right now.

"Alright class, for the assignment Pheles chose a cabin full of enraged goblins and ghouls. Though they are low ranking demons, there are a mass amount inside the cabin, so watch your back. You will be spilt into teams, so listen up. Team 1 will have Kamiki, Miwa, and Shima. Team 2 will have Okumura, Moriyama, Suguro, and Saito. The first team to clear out their side of the cabin will have the exclusive right to follow me on my missions for the duration of next week." Yukio explained.

"Now that 4-eyes explained all the boring stuff..." Shura says teasingly. "You make pick from the weapons here if you don't have one."

Me and Suguro were the only ones to step forward and grab guns and ammunition.

"And with that... You may begin!"


	7. Falling

_"Maybe I'm better off dead. If I was, would it finally be enough to shut out all those voices in my head?"_

 _~Better Off Dead by Sleeping With Sirens_

 _"And with that... You may begin!"_

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

Rin and the rest of our team ran inside the building, with Shiemi trailing behind, and went to the left door. "Man I can't believe I'm stuck with this team," Suguro muttered under his breath. We all ignored him. Walking further in, we took in our surroundings. The cabin was dark and gloomy with the smell of rust in the air. The furniture seemed ancient and dusty. The floorboards creaked under our feet, other than that, it was quiet.

Too quiet.

"AHHHH!" a toe curling scream ripped through the silence followed by rapid crunches of decaying wood breaking. Alarmed, we turned around to find a hole in the floor.

And Shiemi was gone.

"Shit!" Rin and Suguro yelled. Then goblins and ghouls appeared in mass amounts in front of us. They blocked off the hole that Shiemi fell into. "Damn it... Rin, Saito, help me fight through them, then I'll jump in and find Shiemi and meet back up with you." Suguro explained pointing his gun towards the army of demons. "Right," Rin said for the two of us. "You better find her." Suguro nodded in response and started pelting the demons with bullets. And so they begun their attack.

Demon after demon ran towards us but to no avail with Suguro shooting them down. Rin held his sheathed sword with a conflicted expression. I could only watch Suguro in awe. He turned back around, without stopping his assault and saw us doing nothing. He glared. "Don't just stand there! Help me out!" Suguro yelled, focusing back on the enemies ahead. They seemed to be drawing closer and with more numbers. "Rin, remember what you did in our exwire exam." Suguro said rushing into the horde. And with that, he was gone. Rin smiled and ran the other way. "What are you doing!" I yelled after him. But my words seemed to not reach him as he sprinted out the room with a ton of ferocious demons chasing him, but it wasn't all of them. Next thing I knew, I had a gun in my trembling hands in a room full of demons.

My heart was racing. My sweaty hands clasped the pistol and spammed the trigger into the horde. Everyone that I hit dissipated into black matter and dissolved into the air, but for every demon exorcised, many more replaced it.

There was just too many.

Looking into each demon's eye, I saw the crazed bloodlust that it contained. Staggering back with my left hand over my mouth, I fell on the ground, surrounded by the demons. The ones of the same kin that took everything from me.

 _"You're nothing but a body to be used."_

"Stop it," I pleaded. The demons drew closer around me.

 _"You see these? They are made by one creator who can't enter this world."_

"Shut up..." I whispered covering my ears with my hands. The demons started to lunge at me.

 _"Won't you be their savior? Bring their creator?"_

"I said shut up!" I yelled. Tears pooled in my eyes and I clenched them tight going into fetal position and waited for the incoming blow.

"Aoko!" A voiced yelled above me. I opened my eyes to see Rin hovering over me. I blinked as a drop of blood trailed down my cheek. There was a ton of ghouls and goblins on top of him, sinking their fangs into his back or slashing at him with their claws.

"Get up and run Aoko-chan!" He said through clenched teeth. My legs felt immobilized. All I could do is look at him in terror as he endured the pain for me. The blood soaked his and my clothes and the lashes on his back were deep.

"I..." I trained off not finding words to say.

Sounds of gunshots filled the air as the demons on top of Rin were eliminated one by one. I could hear Shiemi gasp as Rin fell limp on me.

"Damn it Saito! Not only did he have to save you and get hurt, but you also can't do what you're told! " Suguro yelled grabbing my collar. Shiemi looked at us concerned, but instead of saying anything, she went to Rin's aid. "You see that?" He asked forcing me to look at Rin. He lied on the ground in a pool of his own blood. The wounds on his back was torn through the skin and some muscle, revealing the bone on some areas. I felt like I was going to puke. "This is what he got for saving your pathetic ass." He said dragging me out the cabin. I looked back as I heard sizzling noises. The wounds were healing it's self. When we were finally outside, the other exwires looked at his and gasped seeing the blood all over my shirt. Suguro threw me in front of them and went back in the cabin to fetch Rin.

"What happened in there?" Shima asked first. I ignored him and sat on the ground. They all bombarded me with questions, but I just couldn't hear them. All I could see was Rin on the verge of death because of me.

? ﾟﾔﾥ?

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself back in my room, laying on my bed. I guess I passed out. I got up stretching my aching body and headed towards the bathroom so I could wash off all the dried blood on me. Rin's blood.

Once I got to the bathroom, I stripped and sunk into the bath. I wanted to go see how Rin was doing but...

 _"This is what he got for saving your pathetic ass."_

I doubt that he would want to see me.

I sighed getting out and putting on my pajamas. I opened a locker stuffing my ruined clothes in it. I was about to shut it when a small metal object caught my eye. Taking it, I shut the locker and headed back to my room.

I walked fast back to my room and slammed the door shut. My heart was pounding and my wrists ached. I needed to cut. Making sure Hikaru wasn't in the room, I sat down and rolled up my sleeve. With shaking hands, I took the blade and slid it gently across my wrist, watching the skin tear and the blood bubble up. I winced at first, but once the pain subsided, I sighed in euphoria. But no matter how good it felt, the sight of Rin and Suguro's word kept replying in my mind. I laughed bitterly and brought the blade down on myself again with more force. My skin seemed to be devouring the blade as it cut deeper into me. "Damn it..." I whispered to myself with tears welling up in my eyes. If only I listened. If only I was stronger, then...

"What the hell do you think you're doing!"

I gasped as my body was forcibly spun around by tugging on my blood soaked arm. The razor dropped from my right hand as I looked at his angry countenance.

Rin.

"I said what the fuck do you think you're doing?" He repeated tightening his grip on my arm. The blood began to pour down onto his hand. I glared at him.

"None of your fucking business," I snapped trying to pull my arm away. He looked taken back by the harshness in my voice but replaced it with an emotionless facade.

"Do you think harming yourself will solve anything?" He asked coldly. I snorted.

"Your right. It doesn't. Harming myself like this is only temporary. It won't solve anything." I laughed bitterly. "I should get it over with, shouldn't I?"

My eyes widened at the stinging pain in my cheek. I stumbled back and clutched it looking a Rin, who pulled back his red hand. "Don't you dare act like this is a joke." He growled. "Death is never an answer to your problems." He said approaching me. I back away from him until I was against the wall. "What would Hikaru do without you? He already lost his sister. He doesn't need to lose what's left of his family." He said with pain in his eyes. "What... what would I do? I... don't want to lose anyone else." My eyes widened. "It's selfish too commit suicide. It only hurts the people around you."

"I'm sorry." I whispered. He was right. I couldn't leave Hikaru or my new friends who have done everything to help me. "I'm so sorry." I repeated shamefully with tears running down my face. Next thing I knew, I was engulfed into a warm embrace.

"Come on... You need to go to sleep." he whispered into my ear. I nodded silently as he carried me to bed. Once he set me down, he started to walk towards the door.

"Wait!" I exclaimed. Rin turned back to look at me. "Will you... stay with me tonight?" I asked shyly. He looked surprised at my request but gave me a sweet smile and went back to me. Slipping under the covers, he told me goodnight and went to sleep. And so I did the same.

There was a wall of blue flames in front of me. On the other side was a body that nearly looked like a corpse. His body laid there torn to pieces. It was mangled with limbs barely attached. Blood gushed out everywhere from his sickly pale body. Yet, he looked up at me. His skin sagged from his face and his right eye was hanging out. Blood leaked out from the sockets.

Will you conquer your fear of the blue flames to save the ones dear to you?

I sat straight up from my bed, drenched in sweat. Looking to my side, I noticed that Rin was gone. Covering my mouth with my hand, I ran out the room and down the hallway.

"Saito! Are you okay?" Yukio said watching me run in his direction. He tried to stop me, but I merely pushed pass him and ran into the bathroom. Falling to my hands and knees in front of the toilet, I started to convulse and puke my guts out.

"What's going on Yukio?" I heard from outside.

"I don't know. She just ran in there. We should probably go check on her."

"We? I don't want to go in the women's bathroom..."

I swear I could feel Yukio's glare.

"Fine." Rin mumbled.

I sat in silence as the door creaked open and two figures walked in. "Aoko, are you okay?" Rin asked getting closer to the stall I was in. I said nothing as I tried to control my breathing. I heard the footsteps stop somewhat behind me. "Saito, we're coming in." Yukio said as he slowly pushed open the stall door. I turned my head slightly in see Rin and Yukio shocked as they saw me sitting on the ground with vomit on my mouth. "Aoko...?" Rin said carefully bending down two reach my level. "... You're not doing what I think you're doing, are you?" He asked carefully. I looked at him puzzled until I saw his face take the form of the one from my dream. Turning around quickly, I started heaving again. "Shit." They both whispered. Yukio held my hair away from my face while Rin rubbed my back. When I was done, Rin picked me up and sat me on the side of the tub. Yukio left the room. With a washcloth that he grabbed, Rin started to wipe away the vomit on my mouth.

"So we're you doing what I think you were doing?" Rin asked putting away the dirty rag.

"What do you mean?" I asked in a hoarse voice.

"Were you... throwing up on purpose?" Rin asked slowly.

I looked at him shocked. I was going to ask why he thought I would do that, but thinking back to last night... of course he would be suspicious of me. "No that wasn't it!" I exclaimed. "I just... had a nightmare is all."

"Oh good." Rin sighed in relief. "Besides, I like you just the way you are." He said smiling at me.

I blushed.

At that moment, Yukio walked in carrying a glass of water and medicine. "Thank you." I said taking it. Yukio nodded.

"Oh! I forgot to get something..." Rin mumbled under his breath and walking out.

"So, about yesterday..." Yukio started. Shit. Rin probably told him. "What about it?" I asked looking away. "You... didn't pass." He said quietly.

"Huh?"

"The exwire authorization exam I mean." Yukio clarified. "Yeah... I kind of figured I wouldn't." I said with a small sad smile.

"So, how about training with me?"

I looked back at him. "I mean, assuming from how you used a gun, you want you be a Dragoon, right? Well, I'm already one so it wouldn't be hard to teach you." Yukio said rubbing his neck with a nervous smile. "Thank you Yukio. I'll take you up on your offer." I said smiling at him. "Great, now you should probably head back to bed." Yukio said getting up and stretching out his hand towards me. "It's Saturday, but we still have the cram school tonight and I think both you and Rin need to recover from yesterday." He finished pulling me up. Leaving the room, I saw Rin against the wall carrying a book with a leather brown cover.

"Here." He said handing it to me. "This is for you."

"Um... Thanks Rin." I said taking it.

"Oh yeah! Breakfast should be ready soon so make sure you meet me and Yukio in the cafeteria soon." He said with a grin before running off.

Walking back to my room, I laid down on my bed and looked inside the book. On the first page, was messy handwriting.

 _Aoko,_

 _There are many ways too cope with the rough things happening or has happened to you that does not involve harming yourself. One way that I think might work for you is writing. If this doesn't work then talk to me and we'll figure it out together._

 _I'll be here for you._

 _-Rin_

Skimming through the rest of the book, I looked at all the blank pages. Writing might help? Taking a pen from my desk and going the next page, I wrote whatever came to mind. And when I looked back at my work, I saw that I had written a poem. Closing the book, I laid back on my bed.

 _It looks beautiful on you._

 _What would I do without you?_

 _I'll be here for you._

 _We'll figure it out together._

 _I like you just the way you are_.

I groaned at the realization and put a pillow over my burning face.

I'm falling for Rin.


End file.
